There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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