just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
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I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize