why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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