Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
