i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
well most of my day revolves around power hour
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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