I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
