Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize