Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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