I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
