Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
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Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
we're so committed to being not committed
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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