the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
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