He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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