Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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