i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
two words: eviction party
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
