happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
