Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
