Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
