I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
