So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
