Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
