so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
