I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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