Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
