She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
