She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
