i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
