That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
