It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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