So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
