Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
