you traded sex for a burrito?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
