Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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