My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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