Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
nutella sex= disaster
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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