Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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