Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
