We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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