Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
