After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
