So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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