i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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