Your tits are I can't wait for
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
