hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
