I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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