I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
