so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Randomize
