oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
