i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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