Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
A bitchslap is in order.
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