We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
