He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
So squirting runs in the family.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
