Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
