I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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