dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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