You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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