Sry I called you an 8
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just want to make out with him forever
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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