i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
