from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
