Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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