well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
