Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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