guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
