I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
