Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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