she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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