Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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