i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
your like the ambassador to my penis.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize