Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.