My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
I'm just looking out for you.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home