dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
