my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.