If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
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you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
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He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.