Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
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He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
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we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash