My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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