You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
