oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
