i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
