He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
