we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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