I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
This is not my ceiling
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just forgot I was standing up.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
