She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
