Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
