All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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